Jessie Keens

A Collection of Stories c. 2008 – present

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Ode to Toilet Paper (Rap)

(intro: spoken word)

I miss you
Who knew
This would ever happen to us
Now my life is a real mess
I realise how I rely
On your sweet ply
So I wrote these words
That may be long overdue
But I really need to go
Oh toilet paperie
Mi amore
This is for you…

(end intro)

(begin verse)

Oh toilet paper
This one’s for you
A number one
Sold out homage
For all the out houses
Peoples in quarantine
Flush if you feel the need
For a number 2
Justice to all my homies
Roaming the streets for a roll
Living on one square a day
While hoarders sit on their thrones
Ironically, unable to wipe the smiles off their faces
While other are left dirty
A disgrace to the human race
Don’t even bother knockin’
Nobody is occupato
All signs are void
And if you see a trolley with 6 rolls or more
Expect a K.O.

(end verse)

(chorus)

Where did it all go?
Literally
A shit show
Did the poopulation suddenly boom!?
Or did I miss something?
Other than toilet paper
... Obviously

(chorus end)